The Perks of Being a Magic Endowed Wallflower
by jonadark
Summary: Hermione wrote several letters to an annonymous stranger, now, that stranger is sending her letters...but who is it? Ron, Harry, or Merlin forbid, the ferret?
1. Chapter 1

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The Perks of Being a Magic-Endowed-Wallflower

_Loosely based on "The Perks of Being a Wallflower"._

**Chapter One:**

**Before the Letter of Admission**

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Dear Friend,

I think since one part of my life is over, I should document it, before a new and exciting life begins. Or so I hope. A diary, however,

just won't do. I'm sure soon enough I'll be learning ways to have an unreadable diary, but until then, I am sending these anonymously to

you. You might be wondering what I mean, and you might even be wondering if I'm suicidal. I assure you, at this moment, I am far from

it. I am really, truly elated, a sort of high. I haven't taken any hallucinogens…but if I did, I hope this isn't a dream.

If you choose not to believe me, I don't blame you, it is rather far fetched, but then again, it is, I assure you—true. My life has been

rather lonely, boring really. I don't have many friends, I like to read, study. Incidentally most people consider me a freak. Mainly Harriet

Stoe. If there is any reason to believe in heaven or hell, I think that, having met Harriet Stoe, I am a firm believer in hell. Because she was

shot right out of there to make my life hell. Sorry, for using the word hell so much, but that is basically what Harriet Stoe does. I guess, I

can call Harriet "Harry" now. After all, that's what everyone calls her. Even me.

Today, I was sitting in the park. It is a very pretty park, and I was just sitting there wishing I were someone else. Do you know what I

mean? I would look at the couple sitting to my left kissing, and I would wonder…why couldn't that happen to me? Then I'd see the

group of friends laughing and playing football on my right, and I'd observe them and wonder what makes me so different. Incidentally, I

did not see Harry approach as I was far to busy "observing".

"What is such a blight on humanity doing in public?"

That is pretty much how Harry always greets me; of course, she likes to get creative sometimes. I bit my lower lip, I really didn't want

to see anyone today. I'd brought a rather interesting book with me called _The Perks of Being a Wallflower._ I felt I had a lot in common

with the main character, Charlie, and incidentally, I began thinking if there were people like me out there, just like Charlie. It's a shame; I

don't think there are. I'm afraid that even though I really want there to be people like me, I believe that Charlie is only a character in a

book, and that I was born in the wrong era.

I was brought back from my thoughts when the strangest thing happened. An owl, I am not kidding you, an owl with an envelope tied

to its foot, came swooping down and landed on my knee. If you must know, I was really freaked out by this. And Harry, for once, had

nothing to say. Which was actually enjoyable. But then, the Harry I had grown up with sprung back into action.

"What's this you little freak?" Harry grabbed the letter that was dangling off my knee and even ignored the peck the owl gave her. She

opened it; I didn't even try to get it back. You see, I wouldn't have won—what would the point have been? Harry always gets her way.

But I really wanted the letter.

"You." Harry glared at me. "You are such a looser. Writing yourself fake letters. How pathetic." Harry held the letter before me,

ripped it in two and walked off. I was very glad that the only thing that got hurt, was the letter, I usually end up with a few token bruises

when I encounter Harry.

Hurriedly I picked up the two pieces and carefully aligned them again, making sure they were perfectly aligned before I began to read.

I am a bit eccentric, but I couldn't help it.

Across the top of the letter in large curving script read:

"_Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore…"_

It went on into some very strange things, such as _"Order of Merlin, First Class…"_ which I could only presume were some type of

honor or medal. I was not sure and I made a mental note to visit the library. But, that was soon forgotten when I read the rest.

"_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find_

_enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. _

_Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31."_

Let me tell you that I was way beyond shocked, and I thought for a moment it was some new and improved prank orchestrated by,

my nemesis, Harry. But it just wasn't Harry's style.

I returned home and somehow, somewhere, and at sometime, I just came to a startling conclusion that it had to be true. That is when I

figured out I had a second chance, a chance to become one of those people with friends, who plays football in the park. A chance to be

in a relationship…I stopped that thought right in its tracks. I just couldn't bring myself to muster up the courage of imagining kissing some

anonymous boy. It just seemed wrong. Anyway, once I got home, I decided, that if I was dreaming, I should at least document it. And

that brings me back to what I am presently doing, writing you this letter.

I hope you don't mind receiving this letter from a stranger, and I hope you don't mind receiving letters in the future…I am not sure if

you will or if you won't. But I hope you don't mind all the same.

Love always,

_Hermione_

* * *

Hermione woke up with a splitting headache. Why in the world am I dreaming about those blasted letters for? She thought grimly.

Ever since she had mailed the first letter and the two consecutive letters that she just hadn't been able to stop herself from writing—she

decided she had had a serious lapse in judgment. Why in the world had she sent letters to just some anonymous person? Hermione

remembered opening the phonebook, thinking really hard how much she wanted someone who would understand, and the address her

finger had landed on.

Now as she shook her head she wondered why she had never thought before how strange it was that there was no phone number nor

name to go along with that address.

"I am so stupid." She said aloud.

"Oh Merlin! I think I must be going deaf!" Ron staggered into sight, his mouth gaping. "I did not just here the smartest witch of our age

proclaim she is stupid? Did I? No, no, I couldn't have. Not Hermione Granger, surely you must be an apparition, brought here to fool

me. Yes, that must be it." Ron's crooked grin had Hermione laughing, but that didn't prevent the nice knock to the back of the head he

received a moment later.

"Ow." Ron cried without any enthusiasm. And Hermione knew that he was only insulting her further by wordlessly telling her she hit

like a girl.

"That's not what Malfoy thought." Hermione smirked as she turned away.

"Yeah, but you actually hate that ferret. Of course you'd pop him a good one. But you couldn't do that to one of your friends." Ron

hooked an arm over Hermione's shoulder.

"You just watch."

Laughing Ron led Hermione down the stairs into the kitchen's burrow. His brothers and sister including Harry were already there,

munching down on breakfast.

"Now hurry up dears, you're going to miss the Hogwarts Express." This was barely caught, if at all, by the hungry youngsters as Mrs.

Weasley breezed in and breezed out of the kitchen.

"Why's your mom in such rush?" Hermione asked.

"You know how flustered she got over Gildroy Lockheart?" Fred said as he reached for a piece of bacon. Or three.

Hermione nodded.

Harry's eyes squinted together. "Yeah. Is there some new hotshot out there?"

The three hadn't been too keen on reading the Daily Prophet all summer. Even Hermione had pronounced it trash.

Fred and George, however, were up to snuff on all and everything. Dirt of course was there favorite news but they tried to make sure

they knew what was going on…and they used all of this to their advantage. Such as making exploding candies in the shape of certain…

ahem…people.

"Oh yeah!" George quipped as he dug in his pocket. "This guys a real piece of work. I can't believe mom is falling for him again. But

Fred and I haven't come up with an idea that suits us yet. We're still in the experimental processes." He pulled out what looked like a red

wrapped cinnamon candy. "Unfortunately." He added wistfully as he handed the candy to Fred.

"So who is it?" Hermione asked, impatient now. She had been a little suspicious. That candy wasn't blowing up any time soon, or so

she hoped. "And what does that do?"

The twins grinned.

Very twisted.

Evil.

And creepy

Twin grins.

Harry could swear he felt the house shudder.

"Well…" Fred said unwrapping the candy dramatically before them. "Ron, why don't you try it?" He handed the now unwrapped

candy innocently to Ron. Whose eyes were wide with what Hermione could only assume was horror.

"Oh c'mon little bro. It won't be so bad." George was trying to be encouraging. However, this did not seem to encourage the already

timid Ron.

Standing Ron shook his head violently and walked out to get his trunk.

"So who is this mystery character George?"

"Oh, just some sleaze-ball named—"

Mrs. Weasley bustled in, gathered them up and flooed them to platform 9 ¾ before George could finish. Their trunks arrived shortly

after them.

"Now dears, I must be off." Mrs. Weasley did a quick kiss through the lineup of surprised teens and was gone.

"Whoa." Ron blinked a few times.

The twins looked at each other. Their faces the same, as what the others could only presume was an idea, popping into their heads.

"Uh oh." Hermione said, smiling.

And with that the twins were off whispering amongst themselves.

"Humph. I still don't know who the new wizard of the week is." Hermione picked up her trunk and shoved it aboard the train. "Well,

come on you two. We haven't got all day. The train is leaving…l e a v i n g."

Slowly the two boys turned to her.

"Oh well if it isn't the Trio of dumb, dumber, and dumbest."

"Sod off Malfoy." Ron ground his teeth as the Slytherin git blocked him access to the Express.

"I like it where I am."

Hermione rolled her eyes and lightly tapped on Malfoy's shoulder. "Are you saying you've finally found your place, Malfoy? Between

a mudblood and a lowly pure blood. Hmmm…" she raised an eyebrow at the look of pure disgust and dawning horror on Draco

Malfoy's features. She wasn't sure if it was from the audacity that she had dared touch him, or the fact that he was between what he

hated most and had declared he liked it there. But, nevertheless, she wasn't in the mood for his close-mindedness as he opened his mouth

to speak she drew her wand. And with a little incantation rendered him speechless. Just the way I like 'em. She thought with bubbling

laughter as Malfoy gapped at her like a fish pulled from water. "What's that Malfoy? I'm sorry I can't hear you." She chided before

pushing him out of Harry and Ron's way and disappearing into a compartment.

Another year at Hogwarts was about to begin. And it was going to be her best. She sat down, grateful for the few minutes alone.

Hermione was still trying to get it into her head that she had preformed magic outside of school. She wondered if anyone had noticed,

what restrictions, and spells had been cast to tell the ministry when underage wizardry was being performed.

But then

Something happened. That cut all her wonderings off.

And the door opened. And a Ministry official entered the room; a rather sorry looking owl perched on his shoulder.

"Ms. Hermione Granger?" The ministry official asked.

Hermione swallowed and nodded her head weakly.

She was going to be expelled.

They'd take her wand.

What would she do without magic?

Oh, I'm so stupid, she thought.

"Ms. Granger, this owl here is for you. He ran into a bit of a storm or two and couldn't make it to your door two nights ago from

Monday." The man was untangling a letter from the owl's talons. "It didn't seem right to set the poor thing out again as soon as it

returned. So I am delivering the letter. If you could just, verify that you are receiving the letter to the owl, he will feel much better, I hope."

The owl was screeching, its talon groping after the lost letter.

"Oh sure. Well, uh, thanks for delivering, me this uh letter." The owl quieted down a bit and Hermione gave it little stokes on the head.

It looked at her rather affectionately before both it and the ministry official left the compartment.

Hermione, alone now, looked down at the envelope. She turned it over and had a mini-heart attack. It was her handwriting on the

front. And she only knew of a handful of letters that she had written and sent by muggle mail. She carefully opened it up and pulled out

the first letter she had written to an anonymous stranger—one that haunted her dreams.

It was different, she could see that. It was folded, and creased with use, faded from time. But it was still the letter. Someone had read

it, many, many times. Someone who…Hermione assumed was a witch or wizard…but who…and if they had this letter, they had the

others, which meant…

Hermione cursed herself for her own stupidity. "Never, never, write things down." She mumbled as Ron and Harry walked in.

"That was sweet Hermione, Malfoy's still gaping in the hallway. I wish I had a camera."

"This years going to be great isn't it 'Mione." Harry asked, smiling.

Hermione forced a smile. "This year…" a grin spread across her face as she forgot all about the returned letter. Malfoy's gapping face

was in the compartment window. "This year is sure going to be interesting."

The three nodded. Laughed and closed the curtain, blocking out the ferret.

"What a great start." Ron said, leaning back. "To a new year."

But Hermione's mind was already cataloging her list of suspects. It's too bad, she thought, that it includes the entire Wizarding world.

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A/N- Please don't be too harsh. Tell me what you think. And I'd like to see if any of you know who's sending the letters, or who you hope does...because honestly. I haven't decided yet. Anyway. Review please. 


	2. Chapter 2

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The Perks of Being a Magic Endowed Wallflower

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything_

**Chapter Two**

**Lights Out**

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_Reviewer's **Hotaru420** and **XXDarkest AngelXX**; thanks for your reviews**, this is for you**

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Hermione sat between her two friends during the sorting. If it were a normal day, she would be very attentive. But it wasn't normal, and it

was way beyond Dorothy and the land of OZ. Hermione felt as if her mind was going to detonate—she looked down, no ruby slippers

on her feet.

Would anyone notice? She thought. Looking around, everyone was pretending to be interested in the new students. Everyone was

pretending to be happy. Everyone was pretending.

How the hell am I supposed to figure out who I sent my letters to? Even if she was the smartest witch of her age, she couldn't perform

miracles. What if this person had identified her.

That was stupid, she told herself. How do you think they sent them back? Of course they know who you are. Genius. Her new year, the

one she had planned to be the best of them all—was ruined by her past. As had her whole life.

The sorting finished, Hermione oblivious to the food now piled before her and the conversations between the other Gryffindors. She felt

alone—alone and scared.

Did I ever write anything really bad down? She thought. If this person knew who she was, they could do…

Hermione shuddered.

"Hey, Hermione, you okay?" Lavender leaned across the table. "Harry, feel her forehead."

Hermione batted Harry's hand away. "I'm okay."

Lavender raised a very well shaped eyebrow. "Hermione." She said almost testily. "You paled about six shades a moment ago. And I am

not stupid. Okay?"

Hermione nodded, but all she could think about was how much time Lavender must spend on her eyebrows.

They were perfect.

Why did people do that?

Huh? Was there a reason to it?

What was the point? Why didn't she do it?

Why am I not like Lavender? Hermione thought back to her first letter. She had thought her life would take a turn…for the better. Had it?

Ron on her left.

Harry on her right.

A family up and down the table.

Was her life better?

Or was she still the same?—the same blight on humanity.

She wasn't called a freak anymore. She wasn't called a nerd, not at all.

With her new life had come new words. Now she was a bookworm. Now she was a mudblood. Now she was nothing at all.

Hermione hadn't gotten rid of her old tormenter Harry before another had found her. Draco Malfoy, Hermione thought icily, and Harriet

Stoe, were one and the same. They made her nothing.

Lavender was waving a hand in front of her face. "Hermione?" Hermione thought she heard genuine concern in Lavender's voice. I must

be hallucinating.

"Hey, Harry, lets take Hermione upstairs. Hermione. We're going to take you to your room, okay?"

Hermione stared blankly. "Uh huh."

They peered at her.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Uh huh."

"Are you hungry?"

"Uh huh."

They looked at her empty plate. "You going to eat, 'Mione?"

"Uh huh."

They looked at each other. "We'll bring you up some food after we get you to your room." Harry said kindly though his eyes were filled

with concern.

Hermione wanted to tell him not to worry; it was all right—normal. She was a freak, a mudblood, a bookworm, and a geek. She was

supposed to be messed up. She wasn't normal. Hermione wanted to assure him.

But then, Harry would worry. Hermione couldn't do that to her friend.

"I'm fine, Harry." She said. But then she began to think, what if it was Harry? What if she had sent the letters to Harry? What if it was

Harry who knew everything?

Hermione couldn't help it, she couldn't breathe, everything was getting too bright, and she just couldn't…couldn't breathe.

Dumbledore had stood; he was announcing the Head boy and Head girl. Hermione couldn't hear him; she couldn't see him…she couldn't breathe.

"It is my pleasure to announce…"

"Hermione!" Lavender grabbed Hermione's shoulder.

Ron's eyes grew wide as Hermione began hyperventilating.

"…that this year's head girl…"

"What's wrong with her?" Harry cried. "Hermione. Hermione." But her eyes were glassy.

A second later

Her body fell.

"…Is Hermione Granger."

And that was when the students of Hogwarts turned to applaud the smartest witch of their age, only to find her—not beaming and

smiling—but snow white and cold, her friends doing their best to revive her.

_It's a heartache_

_Nothing but a heartache_

_Hits you when it's too late_

_Hits you when you're down_

_It's a fool's game_

_Nothing but a fool's game_

_Standing in the cold rain_

_Feeling like a clown._

_It's a heartache_

Hermione woke only to find the peace and quiet she had found in a drug-aided sleep did not exist in the conscious world. Four pair of

eyes were the first thing she saw—and it was very up close and personal. She shook her head and closed her eyes. When she reopened

them. The four sets of eyes had receded into four faces.

Hermione managed a smile. "Hey guys. Professor."

What would they think of her? She was a freak, just like Harry had always said, just like Malfoy said.

Ron grinned. "Didn't know you'd be knocked off your feet when you found out you were Head Girl." He plopped down beside her and

tossed her a chocolate frog. "You're supposed to be eating these." He blushed. "I hope you don't mind, but that's the only one left."

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "Are you telling me Ronald Weasley that you ate all of my Chocolate Frogs?" Ron gave her the sorriest

'I'm sorry' look she had ever seen. And Harry nodded.

"He saved you one, 'Mione, that's got to count for something."

Hermione laughed, and any tension in the room was gone.

"How long have I been here? Please tell me I haven't missed classes."

"No, Ms. Granger, you've been out for only seven hours. But, what myself and Madam Pomfrey would like to know, is why you

collapsed."

Hermione bit her lower lip—the truth, a burden, or a lie. "It's pretty much like Ron said." Oh this is horrible. She thought, blushing. "I

was just overwhelmed with being made Head Girl, Headmaster."

He gave her a kind smile. "Would that be the only reason, Ms. Granger?"

Hermione nodded. "All that I can think of, Headmaster. I'm sorry, I really am."

"She'll be sorrier later." She heard Ron mutter.

"What's that?"

Ron and Harry both jumped.

"Uh…" Ron's ears were the color of his hair.

"It's just, well…uh, Headmaster, don't you think she should know?"

Dumbledore observed them. "What is it she needs to know?"

"Head boy…possibly." Harry quipped, loosing his patience.

"Well, Harry, if you believe it is something Ms. Granger, here needs to know, then you may tell her."

"Tell me what?" Hermione sat up. "Oh, come on, just tell me!"

"Ferret is head boy." Ron said simply, swiping the chocolate frog that she had yet to eat.

"WHAT!"

_It's a heartache_

_Nothing but a heartache._

_Love him till your arms break_

_Then he lets you down._

_It ain't right with love to share_

_When you find he doesn't care for you._

_It ain't wise to need someone_

_As much as I depended on you._

_It's a heartache_

_Nothing but a heartache_

_Hits you when it's too late_

Her room was gold and green. The entire head's dorm was gold and green. A Gryffindor and a Slytherin. A mouse and a lion. I'm

supposed to be the lion, Hermione thought.

Her stuff was laid put away, her friends had left only minutes ago, but Hermione could still feel their presence. They were good friends.

Such good friends.

Hermione heard a tapping; a tapping coming from the window. Her heart raced as she opened it and a rather familiar owl landed on her

shoulder.

"Hello there."

It gave her an almost affectionate head rub. She untangled the letter and turned it over. This time, it wasn't her handwriting. The letter

inside had taken a beating, over what she could only assume, the years of indecision, before it had finally been sent.

* * *

Dear Friend,

You aren't crazy. Though, I wish you were. That's nice of me, huh? I received your letter several days ago, and I must say I have never received a letter, quite like yours before. Actually, it is the first letter, I've ever been sent. I know all about this world. And like you, have received a letter from Hogwarts. I guess, you won't ever know who I am, so it is safe to just talk. You are quite right, this is so wrong, it is like a diary, but if you send it away…you don't ever have to look at it again.

I don't believe in change, chances, or anything really. Life is just life, right?

How am I supposed to live if I stay in line, order, I'm overshadowed by so many, I'm hated, I'm…alone.

I'm alone.

* * *

There was no signature. It ended there. "I'm alone." Hermione folded the letter and looked at the owl. "Who are you?" She said it to the owl, to herself, to the world, to the universe. "Who are you?"

_It's a heartache_

_Nothing but a heartache_

_Hits you when it's too late_

_Hits you when you're down_

_It's a fool's game_

_Nothing but a fool's game_

_Standing in the cold rain_

_Feeling like a clown._

_It's a heartache_

_Nothing but a heartache._

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Please tell me what you think. It really means something to me. Next chapter, will be another of Hermione's old letters.

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	3. Chapter 3

**The Perks of Being a Magic Endowed Wallflower**

**_A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone_**

**Chapter 3**

**Losing it Completely

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The owl arrived at Hermione's window at precisely six o'clock. Standing, she opened to let it in, disentangled the letter, and flipped it over. It was another one of hers. She opened it and sat down.

* * *

Dear Friend,

It seems I am a witch.

Wow, it is so weird to say that. I really don't feel different, but today, I found out how different I really am.

I found out because of Harry.

Of course, I had the letter from Hogwarts, and yes, I really wanted to believe it. But I needed proof. I'm one of those types of people; I suppose you should know that. I need to know why things are the way they are…I need to know why I am so different from what everyone else has labeled "normal".

Once, I had a psychiatrist, and he always asked me these really weird questions, they didn't make sense to me. You see, I think he needed to know the reason I was different, just like I still do.

My psychiatrist, who I will call Dr. Stephens…in case you're wondering, that isn't his real name. It doesn't feel right to be writing this, and telling you people's names. So, because of that, I will just call him Dr. Stephens.

I started seeing Dr. Stephens when I was nine. I guess that's when my parents saw how very odd I was.

Still, to this day, I'm not sure what exactly tipped them off to my oddity. I suppose it could have been the school. I guess that would make sense. After all, at first, I saw Dr. Stephens during school. Then, I guess he realized I really was a nut job and moved me to his office in the city.

I am off topic, I apologize. That is one thing that makes me different, or so says Dr. Stephens. Dr. Stephens says that my mind skips a lot. I guess he's right, and I'm sorry if this is confusing.

* * *

Hermione put the letter down with a start as someone knocked on her door.

"Hermione?"

She heard the voice through the thick door and the other one too.

"You dolt, she's probably still sleeping."

Quickly she shoved the letter underneath a pile of books.

"I'm awake." She mumbled as she opened the door.

Before her were two clowns.

"Uh…I must be dreaming." She peered at the clowns, both of whom were now smiling broadly.

"It's us!" the taller of the two cried.

"It was his idea." The other said, laughing.

Hermione smiled. "Ron." She said pointing to the taller clown. "And…Harry. Right?"

They beamed at her.

"What on earth are you two dressed as clowns for?"

"To cheer you up of course." Harry said, linking a puffy sleeved arm around hers, Ron doing the same. "We've got a surprise for you."

"What for?"

Ron and Harry exchanged glances. "Because we love you, of course." And that they did, but behind that…

Hermione squealed as she saw the state of the Gryffindor common room—where her friends had led her.

The common room was filled with bright colors—reds and yellows and blues, in big bold stripes. Everything was festive looking.

"You guys did this, for me?" she asked.

They nodded.

"Wow."

Lavender poked her head out; she was wearing a bright red jumpsuit. Hermione blinked. Lavender, Ms. Perfect Eyebrows,

In

A

Bright

Red

Jumpsuit

I'm dreaming, Hermione thought.

"Hey, you're here. Come on, join the party!" Lavender wrestled Hermione away from the clowns.

"Can you believe this?" Lavender asked as she jumped up and down on a yellow ball. It would have been impossible, if it weren't for magic.

"Uh, no."

Lavender shook her head. "Harry and Ron did this for you. It's amazing that they care so much."

This was just too odd. Hermione closed her eyes.

_Ticket please, thanks, walk through the doors,  
Into the halls of illusion and visit yours,  
To see what could've, and should've, and would've been real_,

Hermione shook her head. This had to be a dream. I'm hallucinating. She tried to reassure herself as weird things started happening around her. The world was spinning.

_But you had to fuck up the whole deal.  
Let's take a walk down the hallway,  
It's a long way, it takes all day,  
And when we get to the end, ya find a chair,  
With straps and chains, we slap you in there!_

Spinning—someone was bound to see, the way she didn't exist anymore.

Spinning—someone was going to see, right through her.

Someone knows who you are. They know your name…Hermione swallowed hard. Opened her eyes.

The insane scene had not changed.

_Should I sleep or stay awake  
Am I really happy or is it all  
Just an illusion  
Sitting in my room now  
Hiding thoughts  
Just hoping one day I'll get out  
I hear a voice call my name

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"Hermione?"

Turning over, Hermione opened an eye. "What do you want?"

Harry stared at her. "You're going to miss class."

She sat up. Harry wasn't in a clown suit anymore. If he ever was, she thought bitterly. I am so loosing it.

"Okay, okay. Thanks Harry."

"I'll wait in the hall."

Hermione nodded and went to get dressed.

Emerging a few minutes later she looked down at her schedule. "Uh…I've got…"

"Double Potions." Harry said, putting his arm around her protectively. " Come on, we're going to be late."

And they were.

Snape sneered at them as they entered.

"Five points each from Gryffindor for being late." He growled as they sat down in the back.

"Now as I was saying. This year, many of your classmates have elected not to take potions." He looked over at Harry and Hermione with a look that clearly stated 'and you should have too.' Before continuing. "For those of you who stayed, you will be learning a very complex and deadly and dangerous potion. You will be starting with a potion known only as "Reality", it is NOT a potion to be taken lightly."

Snape then pointed to the board, where a list of ingredients were written.

"I have chosen your partners." He said while his back was turned.

Harry and Hermione looked at each other. Uh oh!

"Potter, Parkinson"

"Abbot, Henry"

"Sorince, Cowell"

"Granger, Malfoy"

Hermione groaned.

"What's that Ms. Granger, a problem?"

Malfoy smirked.

"No, Professor."

When he had finished they all moved to their respective seats.

"You look like shit, Granger." Malfoy drawled as she sat down.

"Thanks."

Malfoy sat back. That wasn't a response he was looking for.

"Stupid Mudblood."

"That I am."

Although she had been truly honest with Malfoy, her responses had an added bonus of shutting him up. Collecting Malfoy and her materials, they began to make the "Reality" potion in silence.

The day ended as badly as it had begun for Hermione. At dinner Ron had used the phrase "overshadowed by so many" and Harry had said he was "alone"…from across the hall. Hermione had heard Malfoy shout at some poor first year. "Stay in line!"

I'm loosing it.

Hermione returned to her room, thankful again she hadn't met Malfoy on her way.

She had a list of suspects…Hermione didn't care really if they were logical suspects or not. All she wanted was someone to blame.

Someone to say to:

You did this to me!

You made me a freak!

Instead of having to blame herself—as she did every night, as she had always done.

_I need some sleep  
It can't go on like this  
I tried counting sheep  
But there's one I always miss  
Everyone says I'm getting down too low  
Everyone says you just gotta let it go  
You just gotta let it go  
You just gotta let it go_

_I need some sleep  
Time to put the old horse down  
I'm in too deep  
And the wheels keep spinning 'round  
Everyone says I'm getting' down too low  
Everyone says you just gotta let it go  
You just gotta let it go  
You just gotta let it go_

_You just gotta let it go_

Standing at her desk, Hermione wondered if everything had been a dream. Slowly she lifted the books she had hid the letter under. Sure enough. It was there.

Unfolding it, Hermione continued reading. It was a poem that she had written long ago. Why it was written between the paragraphs about Dr. Stephens and the one where she told the stranger how she finally got rid of Harriet Stoe, Hermione did not know. But right now. Things weren't exactly explainable.

Life doesn't always make sense, she thought. But she knew something was wrong. It was bothering her so much…it was what she wrote in her last letter. She had forgotten about it. Forgotten. But someone wouldn't let her forget.

It could really fuck up my life, Hermione thought. More than it already is. I need to know who this person is.

Calming her thoughts, she looked down at the poem.

_once there was a girl_

_who knew nothing_

_and knew everything_

_every morning_

_she got up and realized_

_she'd missed another day_

_another day was gone_

_so again, she went to the cabinet_

_again, she passed the day away_

_and every morning_

_she got up and realized_

_another day was gone_

_her life was slipping away_

_so again, she raised her glass_

_and let it all slip away_

Hermione didn't want to be that girl anymore. She didn't want to hide. She took out a piece of paper and wrote down three names.

Harry Potter

Ronald Weasley

Draco Malfoy

She was going to take her life back.

She wasn't going to let it all slip away.

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**That chapter i just wanted to show how screwed up Hermione's mind is...and how by focusing on something, she is able to get back in control...but eventually become to obsessive. anyway. tell me what you think. this was a bit weird and i still don't know what happened. lol.**

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	4. Chapter 4

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The Perks of Being a Magic Endowed Wallflower

**Chapter 4**

**The Investigation**

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The owl greeted her the next morning and Hermione untied the letter from his leg, petting his head before the owl swooped out.

It wasn't one of hers she noticed as she opened the envelope and unfolded the letter.

* * *

Dear Friend,

As I told you before, I feel oddly liberated. I feel I can write these letters and send them off just as you did and not look back.

So, I'm about to go on a rant, which is one of the reason's I'm writing to you even though I'd decided not to.

Why do people expect so much from you?

Why do they want you to do things, be things that you just can't or don't want to do or be?

I feel the whole world is out to get me. They all want a piece of me and they don't care if I want to give it or not. It doesn't even matter if it is the truth. They don't give a damn as long as they can say they have a piece of me.

Then again, I feel the entire world ignores me for me. My family, they overlook me because, well, I just don't think they see me. They don't see me. It's easy to be overlooked in my family.

And also, I feel the whole world is just too full of idiots—really there should be some sort of regulation. Some people should just not be allowed to have kids.

Well, that's my rant and I feel…relieved, I suppose. Something you said in one of your letters though, has been bugging me. How did you prove to yourself that magic existed? It seemed to me you were going to confront your enemy, Harry. Did you?

I couldn't tell you when I found out that I had magic. I really couldn't tell you.

Well, I have much to do.

* * *

Again, the letter was left unsigned. Hermione sat down and pulled out the notebook in which she'd written down three suspects. It would make sense that when she'd wished so hard to have someone sympathetic read her letters, someone who would understand that it had gone to a witch or wizard her own age. Harry, Ron, and Draco all fit that.

She reread the letter again. When the writer said he felt the world was out to get him, it reminded her of Harry.

Taking her quill she put a tick mark by Harry's name.

But then again, the part that said the world ignores him, that his family didn't see him…that was so Ron. She placed a tick mark next to his name and one next to Malfoy's as well.

She looked down in dismay. There were two marks beside each name. How was she ever going to figure out which one of them it was?

"GRANGER!" The scream pierced the silence and Hermione jolted, tucking away the notebook and the letters she got up and went towards the source of the noise.

"What is it Malfoy?" she asked, looking at him curiously. "And what are you doing on top of the table?"

Draco's normally composed face was terrified. "That…" he pointed at a ball of orange fuzz. "That _thing_ attacked me! Get that stupid animal out of here!"

Hermione eyed him. "No."

"NO!" Draco squeaked. "Get that damn cat away from me!"

Crookshanks was swishing his tail, his feral eyes on the trembling Slytherin.

"You heard me." Hermione said folding her arms across her chest. "You can just stand on top that table till the world ends for all I care Malfoy." She turned away and could swear her cat gave her an evil grin.

"GRANGER!" Draco screamed again and took a step to get off the table. But that damn excuse for a cat lunged and swiped at his ankle. "You're going to pay my medical bill!" He screamed as Granger slammed her door shut.

He pushed a blond stand behind his ear and made a quick decision. Under these circumstances, it was okay to beg for a mudblood's help.

"GRAAANGGGER! Please help me!"

Hermione groaned and opened her door, but didn't walk out—instead she leaned against the doorjamb. "What is it now?"

"Please, call the…" he almost called the cat something that would surely have had Granger fuming. "The pretty cat off." He concluded and watched as Granger's eyes filled with laughter.

"And give up the chance to watch you dance a little? You've got to be kidding."

Draco jumped as the vicious animal took another swipe at him. "For Merlin's sake, help me! What have I ever done to you?"

Hermione's eyebrows almost disappeared into her hairline. "Oh, I have no idea, Malfoy. Let me see." She started ticking them off on her fingers.

"You insult me."

The orange cat clawed Draco's ankle and he yowled.

Hermione ignored the commotion and continued ticking off all the things Draco Malfoy had done to her.

"You call me mudblood. Assume I'm lower than you. Trip me." she watched with some glee as her cat attacked the other ankle. "You try to hurt me and my friends. Most everything you do is unprovoked, and done out of the horridness of your own heart."

"Merlin! I'm sorry!" Draco was now doing a nice rendition of an Irish jig as he avoided the clawed paws of one Crookshanks.

Hermione laughed. "You're not sorry one bit." She turned around and closed the door. A few seconds later she was smiling widely as Malfoy screamed at her through the closed door,

"YES I AM!"

She ignored him, pulling out the letters and notebook again. There was no way that Malfoy was the one who wrote the letters. He was way too stuck up. She crossed off a tick mark. She couldn't remove him from the list…yet.

Her mind settled back onto the dream she'd had. The one filled with clowns and bright red jumpsuits. Had she really dreamed it? Was she hallucinating?

She crossed her legs and lay back, staring at the ceiling. Why had she started all this?

If you feel alive  
In a darkened room  
Do you know the name  
Of your solitude  
If you ain't got the answer  
If you don't know the truth  
If you want the power  
Then let it flow through  
Would you let it go  
Would let it go  
They cannot end this morning  
Of my life  
Show me  
How the gods kill  
If you feel alive  
If you got no fear  
Do you know the name  
Of the one you seek  
If you want the answer  
If you want the truth  
Look inside your empty soul  
There  
You'll find the noose  
Would you let it go  
Would you let it go  
They cannot end this morning  
Of my life  
Show me  
How the gods kill

Hermione was determined to win back her life. Whoever it was…why had they chosen now? Why were they sending her her letters back…and why were they sending them their letters as well?

She would figure it out. That much she was sure of. How? Well, that was still the question, now wasn't it.

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A/N: I am soooooo sorry guys that i forgot to update this fic. i hope you like the chapter. please Review. I promise not to ignore this story again.

Merry Christmas.

jd.


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